well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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