I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
