Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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