All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
