he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Someone signed my nipple.
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