omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
