New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
