We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
