i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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