if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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