the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
