is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
