he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize