Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
