she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think people are normalizing furries
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
