If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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