I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
