Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
