good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
