I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
