he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
