dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
