I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
