Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
