no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize