This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
