theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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