Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize