found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
