i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
