I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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