I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
