Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
