I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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