marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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