I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
