I just made out with a guy for $7.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
