Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
