The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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