Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I will pee on everything he values.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
