I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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