My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
