And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
