I could have mohawked her pubes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
