you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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