then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize