I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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