i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
