You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
