If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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