But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
