John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
