i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize