i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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