i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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