I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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