The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
