before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
