Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
