I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
