After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
