At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
MIDGETS
????
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
