I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
be right there i have to get my cape
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
