I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
