on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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