How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize