Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
