I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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