just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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