My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Come share oat with me in your robe
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
