I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
