Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
